Orangutan Love

While busy pissing people off during work hours, I was thrown the following insult:

"everyone knows you are a virgin, except the oragutan you tried to rape when you were 13."

Now I'm no Leibniz, but I instantly thought there was something funny with the logic of that statement. So let's waste some more of my precious work time to analyze it.

Apparently, when I was 13, I tried to rape an orangutan ('tis strange how of such love I have no recollection).

Now I either succeeded in raping it, or not.

If I did not succeed:

a) Everyone knows I am a virgin, except the orangutan I tried to rape when I was 13;
b) When I was 13 I tried but failed to rape an orangutan;

Therefore:

c) The orangutan knows that I am a virgin.

So a is false.

If I succeeded:

a) Everyone knows I am a virgin, except the orangutan I tried to rape when I was 13;
b) When I was 13 I raped an orangutan;

Therefore:

c) The orangutan knows that I am not a virgin, but so does the person insulting me.

So again, a is false.

Unless... wait a second... oh my god!... unless the "person" who insulted me and the orangutan are one and the same! OMG!

Ok back to work now...


I wonder, were you the lucky
orangutan?